Rose: "You are so gay!"

The voices made me do it.

Title: Lost
Pairing: The Doctor/Mickey
Rating: PG-13

This is set a short time after the events of the episode “World War 3”. Of course I can't predict what will happen in that episode, it being next week's, so if I end up getting contradicted in any way, cut me some slack ;)

This story contains slash between two male adults over the age of consent (about 884 years over the age of consent in the Doctor’s case). If you are offended by stories featuring homosexual relationships then please go and read something else. Flames will be used to toast my marshmallows.


H M GOVERNMENT

FILE COPY

CONFIDENTIAL

Missing Person: Rose Tyler
Dob: 23.01.86

(internal note: see also file archive reference 0049698 - subject "THE DOCTOR")

Transcript of verbal statement of Michael Smith AKA Mickey Smith
Statement taken 15.06.2005
[Tape started 16:34]

The night Rose disappeared again? Christ, her mum was going mad. I just stood there. Stood there with my mouth hanging open, looking like a right muppet. Watching that… blue box thing disappear again.

You can’t trust him. Him… it. Whatever he… it… is. Can’t get my head round it. I don’t… I don’t understand nothing no more. Life before he turned up was simple, y’know? Football, beer… Rose. Telly. You can understand all that. And then this thing turns up in a blue box like a phone box like out of bleeding Bill and Ted, a box that’s bigger inside than it is on the outside and my head’s just… it’s gone, mate.

[long pause]

What am I gonna do?

[long pause]

When I saw Rose again I thought everything would be alright. She was back. I could show everyone that I was right, that I hadn’t done her in, and they’d all be crawling round me. I’d get compensation, or something. And Rose, well. She wasn’t right in her head when she went off with him the first time, was she? God knows I wasn't. He must have hypnotised her, or something. He can do that. I know he can. He took her away from me and then when she was back I thought she was free of him. I thought we both were.

And then there was all that chaos again, with the alien spaceship, and the whole world going crazy. That’s what he brings with him… he brings insanity and then he reckons he’s got it all under control and everyone claps him on the back, and then he sods off and leaves everybody to pick up the pieces.

[tape stopped 16:47, subject requests cigarette]

[Tape restarted 16:58]

What… oh yeah. When she was going to go in that box with him again. I asked her to stay. I said she couldn’t go off with him again… I told her I needed her. But she went with him, like I knew she would.

God, I missed her. I’d waited for her all bleeding year and I was lonely. A boy can get lonely, can’t he? I went back to my empty flat and I knew she’d never be mine again and I felt so… I just wanted to smash that alien bastard’s face in.

I haven’t left the flat all week.

And then I heard it… last night. That weird noise like my granddad’s old accordion. And that blue box turns up in my flat and I’m thinking it’s Rose, she’s changed her mind… she does want to stay with me.

And who walks out of the door? Him. It. Looking at me all serious-like. I was gonna punch him, I swear. I could have had him, he’s not that big. But then he walks towards me and he’s smiling. Not that grin that he has, the one that makes me want to knock his block off. A real weird kind of secretive smile and I’m just kind of… disarmed, just like that. I asked him where Rose was, and what he was doing here and he said that he and I had “unfinished business”.

I told him, I says the only unfinished business he had was bringing home an innocent girl that he’s kidnapped and he says no, he says Rose is happy. Well, I’m not bleeding happy I tells him, I'm getting ready to hit him but he puts his hand on my shoulder and… suddenly I’m looking into his eyes and I swear, I’m looking and I... I can’t tell what colour they are. I can’t…. I don’t know what happened.

Next thing I know he’s whispering in my ear, telling me that Rose is safe… Rose is asleep in that Tartaris of his or whatever it’s called. He says I don’t need to worry about her no more. That he’s just lonely, just lonely that’s all, and she’s special and he needs her.

“And I'm not special?” I heard myself muttering. Bloody hell.

I think that’s it, you know. I don’t think I envy him having Rose with him. I envy Rose. It just came to me, just like that, with that alien’s hand digging in my shoulder and his bluegreengreybrown eyes boring into mine. She’s off with him, seeing new stuff, understanding more things than me. Living a life that I don’t have. What do I have? Don't have no mates no more. What do I have, eh? Football. Lager. A second hand chipped Playstation held together with sellotape.

Er… no, it’s not chipped. I was just kidding about that.

[pause]

I didn't want him anywhere near me the first time he was here. I was scared. I was scared for Rose too. I wanted to be safe. But now... I don't think there's nothing for me here no more. I want to be travelling in that blue box and living a real life. But I ain’t special like Rose.

I asked him why I wasn’t special and she was. “You’re special enough…” he said to me, last night. “Just not special in a way I need”. It was weird. He was pressing against me, and I realised I could feel his heart beating and it didn’t feel normal… didn’t seem right… he was so close I could feel his breath on my face and it didn’t even… it smelled alien, and the next thing I know… God, I don’t know. He hypnotised me, I’m telling you. What else could it have been? I ain’t gay. Ain’t never was ain’t never gonna be into blokes but then… he’s bloody kissing me and his lips are wet and warm and his body… his body was so bleeding hot I felt like he was burning me. That ain’t normal. That ain’t… human.

It wasn’t right. And I didn’t tell him to stop. Why didn't I tell him to stop?

[long pause]

He kissed me hard, for ages, and he grabbed my hair with both hands so hard it hurt and I must have… whimpered or something and he pulls away and my bottom lip is still in between his teeth and then he lets go and he says “just checking your head isn’t made of plastic” and he grinned at me, and I wanted to smack him again but… I don’t know. His voice wasn’t the same as it usually is and I’m looking at him like I don’t speak English or something... and then he’s kissing me again and… Christ. What the hell did he do to me? His tongue… his tongue was too hot and too dry and it felt like he was invading me and I didn’t want him to stop. I didn’t stop him when he pulled my tee-shirt off. I didn’t stop him when he got on his knees in front of me and he started...

[pause]

Christ. I didn’t feel hypnotised. But I was. I must have been.

He looks human underneath that jacket, you know. Underneath the black jumper and the Burtons trousers. He looks and feels human but he’s not. And I’m not gay, alright? He looks like a man, but he ain’t. And if you… if he ain’t a man then I ain’t gay. You can write that down in your notepad, mate.

So then when he’d finished with me he got dressed and said he had to go. He called me Mickey. Not Ricky. Not Dicky. He said “I have to go now, Mickey”.

He did remember my name after all. But I’m not even sure it’s really my name any more.

I asked if I could go with him then, the first intelligent thing I’d said all night, man. He said I’d see him again, and I’d see Rose again. Then he got back in his box and smiled at me and went. Not another word came out of that bastard and I was just sat there. Crying. I’ve been the subject of an alien invasion. And what are you gonna do about it? Nothing.

When he’d gone I realised that I’d lost again. I hadn’t just lost Rose. I’d lost the Doctor.

[Subject became too distressed to continue. Interview terminated 16:56]